The Scoop on Setting Limits – Tools, Tips and Tactics for Raising Kids with Special Needs
Let’s just start out with some basic truths on setting limits:
– Limit setting is important.
– Childhood limits can be more a reflection of what the adult wants rather than what the child needs.
– It is better if children are able to have the self control to set their own limits. When children set their own limits, they’re said to be responsible. When parents need to set the limits, the message, rightly or wrongly, is that the kids are irresponsible.
– “No” must be learned but there are many options that are more effective than “just saying no.”
Parents of young children often overuse the word “no.” Then they are unpleasantly surprised when they hear it coming right back at them! So, let’s clarify when parents can safely “just say no:”
1. When children are young and parents can easily enforce the limits they set.
2. When children respect and love their parents enough to do what is asked.
3. When children are older if consequences will do the teaching if they don’t “abide by the no.”
Even if you have a very obedient child, are you sure you need to spend your energy on saying “no?” It’s a lot more fun to say “yes!”
When children have special needs, “just saying no,” setting limits, and “making” kids take good care of their bodies may be self-defeating and lead to frustrations for both parent and child. Children tend to rebel in situations other than the three given above. Thus, the goal is to develop children who are self-aware and have self-control.
When our children must accept limits around food or activities, wise parents introduce creativity and fun to help their children accept limits. A parent’s loving and accepting attitude around limits generally rubs off on the children -check out Mary Poppins!
Using choices are another effective way to set limits. Always give two choices you like: “Would you like to take your pill with juice or milk?”
Or you can set limits by saying ‘Yes!’ instead of ‘No.’ Try using the following phrases:
“Yes! Just as soon as …”
“Absolutely! Right after…”
“Yes! And…”
“Sure! As long as …”
“Great idea! But first…”
“Yes, if…”
Here’s how it sounds: “Mom, can I have some cookies?” “Yes! …Just as soon as you measure your glucose level.” Put the emphasis on the word “Yes!” with great enthusiasm and big smiles. It helps to pause for just a moment right after the ‘Yes!’
When setting limits, wise parents follow this guideline: “Set as many rules as necessary but as few as possible.” Isn’t this the same thing that most Americans want from their government?
Effective parents start asking their pre-teens, “Honey, what rules do you really think you need?” followed with, “And why is that?” (The same questions we’d like asked us by government regulators.) If the kids can come up with good answers on their limits, that’s great. If their answers are nonsense, or if they really can’t say, we can always start outlining the consequences for poor choices. This includes explaining potential negative medical outcomes for poor self-care choices.
You never give up your power by asking the kids what they think they want or need before you make your decision for them.
And that’s the scoop on setting limits for kids with special needs.
Source by Foster Cline
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
