Cultivating Good Parenting Skills

Good parenting skills, simply put, is the application of a series of clear-cut result-oriented approach in the rearing of children. In other words, this form of parenting goes way beyond the traditional form of parenting. And it is not so difficult to cultivate. It is within the reach of every responsible parents. This article therefore shows how good parenting skills can easily be cultivated.

As a matter of fact, it is a series of processes often involving the application of psychology as well as natural parenting instincts, which arises as a result of the fact that rearing children in our modern world has taken a whole new dimension. Children are growing up so fast nowadays that parents are finding it pretty difficult to catch up with their upbringing before they become young adults.

Thus, a rhetorical question arising as a result of this trend is this: “is it the children that have evolved to become superkids or the parents that have become less equipped to adequately take care of their natural role as parents?” Well, whichever it is, it is not the objective of this write-up to insinuate that parents have failed in their responsibility of rearing children. Far from it!

On the other hand, the fact remains that in order for parents to successfully carry out their parental functions they need to apply good parenting skills as well as love and logic parenting.

The Traditional Form of Parenting

Certainly, it is not enough for parents to be able to provide their children with food, shelter, clothing and good education. That is the traditional form of parenting.

Let us reason on this matter for a while. Is it really sufficient that you are able to provide your children with good and balanced diet? Well-built accommodation? Expensive clothes? And taking them to the most expensive school in the neighbourhood?

What about their mental and psychological needs? Their emotional needs for love and affection? Who provides these for your children? Nannies? Babysitters? Is that what good parenting is all about? Certainly no! YES, No sir! That is the traditional form of parenting. Good parenting goes way beyond that.

Indeed, good parenting involves the satisfaction of the physical needs of your children, as well as their mental, psychological and emotional needs as well. And that does not even require that you be rich for you to be able to provide them for your children.

Remember, love does not cost a thing. And that is what every human being alive has plenty and a fully-loaded reservoir of. lf you are not well-to-do, or barely attempting to make ends meet, take full advantage of this to the fullest! Yes, in many instances, it simply requires that you be there for your children when they need you the most.

And that, my good friend, is where many wealthy people miss the mark in the upbringing of their children. They replace their children’s needs for love and attention with expensive toys, television sets, computer games and still more expensive toys. And, to make matters worse, they leave them at the mercy of nannies and babysitters to take care of. They are never there for their children when they need them the most.

Yes, money can buy a lot of expensive gifts for your children. But, money cannot buy them the love and attention that they need in order for them to develop into a well-rounded, confident and self-assured adult in their later years in life.

Applying Good Parenting Skills

A fundamental part of good parenting skills is love. As a parent, you need to realise that when you have children you come into a relationship with them very much like any other. Hence, you should know that as with any other relationship, love is the basis and foundation of a lasting relationship with your children.

It is a course of love therefore for you to apply the following proven good parenting skills.

1. Understand Why Children Behave the way they Behave

The first place to start is for parents to understand the psychology of their children. After all, as the next closest person to them, after their spouse, parents need to understand the way their children think and reason and why they behave in a certain way. This is the most fundamental of all the good parenting skills there is.

So, why do children behave in the way they behave? Children behave the way they behave for the following reasons:

• Children lack any valuable experience to guide their behaviour.
• Children are naive and behave stupidly sometimes.
• Children even tend to be outright rebelious sometimes.
• Children are a shade smarter nowadays due to advancement in technology than in the days of their parents.
• Children are very sensitive and cotton quickly to atmospere and they can easily sense an insincere smile or false words.
• Children’s behaviour are often a reflection of the behaviour of their close community, especially that of their parents – as they view these ones as their role model and see the world around them through their parents’ eyes.

2. Love Your Children No Matter How Badly They Behave!

lt is a smart parenting skill for you to love your children no matter how badly they may behave! Use the “rod” to discipline your child when you need to. But, do not fail to teach the child a vital lesson in the process. Never apply discipline to your child as if you are repaying a debt – that is, “tooth for tooth”, “eye for eye”, sort of. Apply “discipline to the proper degree” while keeping the child at a loving distance to you.

And, remember, do not discipline a child repeatedly for the same offence through berating the child with your hurtful remarks. Once a child has been corrected for a bad behaviour, never make reference to that behaviour ever again! After the child has been disciplined, simply forgive the child and forget all about the bad behaviour. If a child misbehaves again, discipline the child for that particular offence only and not in addition to a previous offence.

The trick here is to know what the “proper degree” is when it comes to disciplining an erring child, especially when the child has caused a great distress to the family – e.g. fighting in school or engaging in one mischief or the other within the neighbourhood.

What you need to bear in mind while disciplining the child, however, is not to repay the child back in his or her own coin for the pain the child has caused the family. But, the objective should be to correct the child and keep the child back on the right track of responsible behaviour. Hence, love the child and make the child understand that you love him or her and desire for him or her to make you proud by behaving well. That is how good parents behave!

To this end, accept your children under any circumstance and express genuine love and affection for them irrespective of their behaviour. Remember that children often see through any pretence and insincerity. Hence, you need to show this parental love sincerely from your heart and very often both in words and actions – e.g. with frequent touching, hugging and words like “l love you, sweetie” while looking into the child’s eyes.

That is what being good parents is all about. This provides your children with a level of self-worth and keeps their self-esteem very high. Thus, your children feel loved and develop a sense of security and see the home as a true haven for them. So, the end result is that your children run home with their problems, rather than run away from it.

And that is why when a girl says to her dad: “l love you daddy. You are the best dad in the whole wide world!”, she actually means it sincerely and genuinely – without any reservations whatsoever. Additionally, she is a reflection of the treatment she has received over time and is giving back what she has received unselfishly.

3. Praise Your Children!

Like everyone else, children need praise too for good behaviour. They feel appreciated and wanted. And you should not be miser about it too. Praise the child lavishly when he or she is of good behaviour. Use words like: “I’m so proud of you, honey”, “You’re the best, sweetheart”.

After all, if you do not hesitate to discipline your child when the child behaves badly, why should it be difficult to praise him or her for behaving well?

Do not forget that children are in the learning process. So help the process along by teaching them proper behaviour from improper ones by disciplining them for behaving badly while remembering to show appreciation for their good behaviour. As you appreciate their good behaviour frequently, their behaviour will be more in line with what you want and expect of them.

The most powerful drive towards good behavior in children is in being appreciated. When a child does well at something, express your appreciation for them. When they do something nice for you, show your appreciation for that. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and children are especially sensitive to this.

According to one reputable online reference resource: “Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task. Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules. Appreciation also helps them make that maturing determination of what is right and what is wrong, based on how appreciated they feel.

“Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends. Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration.”

4. Do Not Have A Favourite Child!

Many parents are guilty of this act. They have a favourite child – e.g. “daddy’s pet”, “daddy’s little girl”, etc. They do this for a lot of reasons.

One of the reasons is that the child is seen as an answer to their prayers, either perhaps because they did not start bearing children early in their marriage or because the child is their last child.

Do you have a favourite child? Why? If you have, and irrespective of whatever reason you have that favourite child, know now that it is wrong to have a favourite child. lt is not in the best interests of your other children, neither does it help your “favourite child” in any way. You only end up pitching one child against the others.

Learn from the biblical example of Jacob. He had Joseph as his “favourite child”. Briefly, Jacob got married to two sisters through no fault of his. He had deep, genuine love for Rachael, the younger of the sisters but, by trickery, was given the eldest sister, Leah in marriage by his father-in-law.

ln order for him to have the love of his life Rachael, he was made to serve her father for fourteen (14) good years to pay the bride price. Some would see this form of bride price as extravagant, but not Jacob. Due to his love for Rachael, those years were like “mere days in his eyes”.

Thereafter, childbearing became a problem for Rachael. But, her sister Leah, on the other hand, was favoured by God with childbearing – due to the injustice of being in a loveless marriage in rivalry with her own sister. Thus, it became a continuous rivalry between the two sisters for many years to come. So when Rachael eventually gave birth to Joseph, Jacob became so fond of Joseph to the exclusion of his other children. “Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the child of his old age; and he made him a coat of many colours.” Gen. 37:3

So, what became the outcome of this “favourite child”? The account at Genesis (37:4) continues: “And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.” See the full story at Gen. 37:3-45:1.

Do you now see the folishness of having a “favourite child”? So, please, please, please, for the love of God, do not have a favourite child!

Treat all your children equally. There should be no double standard in the sharing of reward for good behaviour and certainly there should be no double standard in the apportioning of blame to whoever of your children that has broken a family rule. In this way, there is mutual cooperation and the unity of the whole family is maintained.

5. Set Good Examples for Your Children

As a parent, your children constantly look up to you for guidance in proper conduct and responsible behaviour. But, where the problem lie is, children are good copycats. And they may never ask you what is proper behaviour and what is not. So, they just observe you and adopt a style of “monkey do, what monkey see” behaviour.

In his chart-busting hit track “Ghost”,

Tupac Shakur sang in one of his lines:

“Some say l’m crazy. These punk-ass cops can’t save me.

Mama tried to raise me but had too many babies.

Papa was a motherfucking joke. Used to find dope in his coat

and nearly choke when he told me not to smoke. Damn, don’t get me started.

My mama smoke so goddamned much when she was pregnant.

l’m surprised l ain’t retarded…”

The foregoing is enlightening indeed and describe in graphic terms as to why many kids behave the way they behave. Is your child a problem child? Is he or she “fond” of doing things to cause you pain and grief? Find out why. Ask yourself: could you be doing anything that the child is copying from?

Similarly, what is the relationship between you and your spouse? Is it cordial? Are you chum buddies with your spouse? Or, is there a gulf separating the two of you? If there is, know now that your children’s behaviour may be a reflection of the disharmony between you and your spouse. Therefore, you owe it to your children to be at peace and happy with your spouse.

Also, when it comes to disciplining a child, never take the side of your child against your spouse in front of the child. You only give the child more room to be rebellious.

6. Expect Only the Best from Your Child

In web building there is a popular saying “What You See Is What You Get (WYSIWYG)”. With rearing children, however, What You Expect Is What You Get (WYEIWYG). Often, if you expect the best behavior and performance from your child, that is what you will get.

As a matter of fact, children pick up on our beliefs about them. Hence, never use degoratory words on your child – no matter how badly the child has behaved. Never ever say to a child: “l know you will turn out a no-good!” or, even when they have become young adults and are passing through some trying times, never tell your child: “You have never made a single decision that brought progress all your life!”

Please let me know. Are those words nice words to say to anyone, much less your child? If your spouse were to say those words to you irrespective of what you have done, would you be happy or feel offended? Then why say them to your own children?

That sort of speech only serve to crush their spirit and ultimately chase them farther away from you. And do not be surprised when your children grow up to become total strangers and, much worse, sworn enemies to you. God forbid! But, just to drive this point home, please listen to the lyrics of the famous rap and hiphop superstar Eminem’s “Cleaning Up My Closet” to understand what l mean here.

To this end, according to parenting-skills-explained.com, “form a self-concept that matches that belief, and perform accordingly. If we expect them to be lazy, they’ll be lazy, which will confirm our expectations for them, and the cycle toward failure is started.

“If, on the other hand, we expect our kids to be successful, productive, creative, and responsible and honestly believe it to be true, then our children can’t help but rise to the occasion and confirm our best opinions of them with their positive actions. So expect nothing but the best from your children and watch them fulfill your expectations.” Great advice indeed!

7. Give Your Children Quality Time

Your children also need what is commonly known as quality time too. Spend reasonable time with your children. Do not chase a child away when the child desires your attention and wishes to communicate with you – no matter how busy you might be. If you do, you only end up hurting the child’s feelings.

And do not be surprised that the child withdraws to him or herself during the difficult teenage years as a result of the barrier which was created a few years back. What a dreadful thing it is to find that your child has become a teenager and a total stranger to you!

Good Parenting – An Art

Being a parent in itself is a joy like no other, but it takes a lot of efforts for parents to be good parents.

Good parenting is like an art. It is a skill that is learned over time, and with many mistakes. But, like every good thing that do not come easy, do not relent after just a few tries.

Hence, believe that you are the best person for the job when it comes to rearing your children. Adjust to the new circumstances that continually arise as your children grow. Thus, one of the keys to good parenting is to adapt well to the various challenges rearing children presents and learn from the mistakes made in the process.

Rearing children is certainly not an easy task for responsible parents who are desirous of raising their children to become responsible adults later on in their life. But, it is indeed a worthwhile task at that – especially when your children grow up to become responsible adults. It is a source of joy to you when your children grow up, live responsibly, get married and give you grand-children in your old age to repeat the eternal process all over again. The joy knows no bounds.

lf there is any duty that can be delegated to other people, rearing children is not one of them! It is a job that every responsible parents should do with joy and selflessness because the good parenting skills that you invest now will come back many years later to reward you bountifully.

Source by Kome Itoje
Article Source: EzineArticles.com